If Only I Had Ritalin!

I am pretty sure that my mother could have never imagined she would ever have a child more prone to needing treatment than I would. My right eye is a lazy eye, and I am slightly nearsighted. Therefore, I had to start wearing glasses at age five. This is something I deal with still today, only now I wear contacts. I also had the whole buckteeth thing growing up. My mom passed away a few years before I ended up getting braces, but she took me to the dentist many times because of this. I also didn’t have the strongest immune system. I remember having a certain illness for a week where I had to live off of baked potatoes and Sprite.

With all of these leading to us visiting more medical professionals than any mom could imagine, the last thing my mom wanted to even consider was my psychological health. Along with all of the stuff I was already dealing with, I knew our family seemed to think it was the end of the world if someone in our family had a psychological disorder.

It is really hard for me to think that the thought of me having some attention deficit disorder DID NOT cross my mom’s mind. I honestly think it had to at one point, especially after I was dropped by one of my aunts. However, I just think mom did not want that to be something else with which she had to deal. I also think she did not want me to be treated differently. Despite my hyperactivity, daydreaming about Disney characters, and my unwillingness to pay attention, my mom had assured herself and me that I was fine and it was just part of being a child.

Time went on and I had experienced many joking comments about me having ADD. I just kind of laughed and went along with it. However, a recent conversation that took place with my friend Ben may have made me come to the realization that my friends were probably not joking.

I came to the realization that I may in fact have ADD. I also realized that I didn’t really want go get officially diagnosed, so of course I had to take manners into my own hands. I decided that I could very well diagnose myself with the help of the internet because you can do everything with the help of the internet. I found a test that would help me in my diagnosis.

Source: PsychCentral

In my eyes, it was official… I had ADD. For a few days, I blamed the fact that I was not properly medicated for everything. When I would get questions wrong on a quiz, I found myself thinking that if I had Ritalin, I would have been able to focus more and get every question right. It became my scapegoat. Everything was because I didn’t have Ritalin.

Eventually, I realized how ridiculous I was being. I was able to function all along, and I have been doing just fine. I can be a perfectionist, and I hate making mistakes or messing up. What’s worse is that I hate to take the blame for it, and I always just want to blame it on circumstances. I’m a person that has always held this belief that circumstances define us.

I am so glad that our definition does not come from our circumstances. My Lord defines me, ladies and gentlemen. It’s okay to make mistakes and mess up. I’m only human. I just need to learn from it, and realize that I have the freedom to make mistakes. Does that give me the right to go out and make as many mistakes as possible? No. It just gives me the right to mess up and make it right.

While I am still not sure if I have some sort of adult ADD or not, it doesn’t matter. I really don’t need to know something that I will only use to justify my constant daydreaming of cotton candy and Ferris wheels. As for Ritalin… well… I think the fact that I have kept my grades up high enough to keep on the Dean’s List disproves my theory for needing it. Sorry Ritalin.